One Could Only Take So Many Farewells... (Zimah)

I should probably say this, before I wrote this blog I was thinking to lie about everything that has happened yesterday. I'm sure Qieb wouldn't hear of it though and she convinced me to tell the truth anyway. So yesterday (Tuesday, 19th August 2008) was one of the worst days of my life not including the other days that were thought to be Saidi's 'last day'. I knew that yesterday would do me no good. I expected for it to be just a normal non-sad day like any other but as usual fate was against me.

It started like any normal day should; waking up, a hot shower, getting dressed, breakfast and a half-hour ride to school. After dumping my bag at class, I met up with Jazz as usual and walked around the school like we had nothing better to do. I met Ain and Gypsy and we hugged. Man I love my GKA. After registrations I had Biology where we had absolutely nothing to do. So... We ended up studying or talking. Qieb (another GKA) was worried about me, asking how I was taking it. haha~ I took it pretty well... not until much later. We talked about random girly stuff and I studied about infectious diseases. I started with Transport in Animals though but Khairul's questions about Malaria ended up with me studying Infectious Diseases.

Chemistry... As per usual we studied something that every other class had already learned. Teacher Jas's class still couldn't get over the fact that we hadn't learned a lot of stuff during her teaching period. It was break and I talked with Jazz... I was distracting myself, to be truthful. Then PS. The first few minutes, I traded pictures with Saidi, unsuccessfully convincing him to not take the video of me playing River Flows in You. The guys went off to buy their usual menu while I stayed back with Saidi who accidentally copied pictures into my memory stick instead of my pen drive. Then after they all came back we went downstairs to the canteen to buy our food. I decided to treat Saidi and we brought Chips and nothing. I got myself my usual Milo Ping while Saidi, who refused to let me pay for his drink, got himself his sugar cane juice. Then we went upstairs and guess what? More picture taking! After Pirah told me how to upload pictures into the blog (I'm new so sue me) here it is:

Man of the hour, Saidi

Sham, the Jester

Pirah, the Spunky Girl

Pirah n Me

Pirah n Elaine eating Chips n Rogut!

Elaine feeding Sham?!?

Sham n Shadab

Baby Alai, angry at Sham's unfaithfulness

Nesh and her bottle that kept falling

We evoked a smile from him =)

Haha~ Take that Saidi!

"I'm fine", he says. Even after being mauled by Sham

"I want to be a fireman when I grow up!"

Can't you just feel the happiness radiating from me? (Sarcasm)

Picture of the Day!

Again, because Saidi didn't show up for Monday's Maths class, I begged him to come. He refused. So I used other methods, threatening, annoying and I even used Sham for crying out loud but he wouldn't budge. I scowled inwardly. But then as PS block came to an end. Saidi decided to come to Maths after all. What the heck? Okay, I got a little angry... I wasn't fooling around that time. But as it suddenly came, it was gone. Only to be replaced with sadness. The shell that I've been building around me was cracking. So I excused myself and went to the toilet to wipe my stupid tears. I took the time to compose myself and when the bell rang I exited the room. I avoided Saidi's gaze and entered class. I was... 'unusually quiet' says Amal who sat next to me during Maths class as I was known to be really hyper to her. I told her it was nothing but I guess the sniffing gave it all away.

I spent most of my lunch time with Jazz. Talking about the immune system and how her immune system was strong while mine was a bit weaker that any other normal person. Then I just stayed quiet and tried to avoid Saidi as much as possible for my own sake as well as his. I distracted myself, looking at the sky and any other things besides Saidi while hugging my knees. It was Azan and thankfully, Saidi didn't ask me to hold his glasses for him, if not it would have been the death of me. I wasn't really paying attention to what others around me said, really absorbed in my cloud watching. My quietness alerted the girls, sensing something was afoot. I shrugged it off and we all went to EAS together. In class, Nesh surprised me a bit with a quote from The Dark Knight. "Why so serious?" I nearly laughed my head off but really I was trying to rebuild my broken shell. I was mentally preparing myself for later. My group had nothing to do since we finished our work yesterday so I had plenty of time.

I was sad that the day was coming to an end. I met up with Saidi at the Grandstand and he tried to comfort me like everyone else did. I recoiled, telling him that his comforting is only going to make it harder for me. He looked a bit defeated. I decided to attend the scholarship talk and it was fun to say the least. I sat next to Qieb and I doodled a very nice symbol which Qieb thought to be cute. hehe~ Then we scurried out of the room when the talk was finished. Elaine, Saf, Ivy, Jeerah, Qieb and I went to the canteen and sat down taking about more girly stuff; about Cadbury (kirai) and some other stuff... (kirai kirai) Then we went to the Grandstand.

It was chock full of people and Saidi was there. My heart fell. Again I distracted myself, talking to Sri, Qieb, Ping and Azmi. Then Qieb had to go. No! At least I still had distractions... Then Azmi and Sri went to talk with others... Double No! At least I have Ping. We became hyper and that distracted me at lot. I glanced at my watch 4.oo pm. Okay, I just have to live through it for another half and hour. "Zimah, my car is here." Said Ping. I felt like fainting. Noooo~ My last distraction gone! I hugged her and well... I thought I was going to die for the next half hour. Saidi was there but I stood far away. I couldn't help but wonder if avoiding Saidi was the best situation. Since this was the last of his last day, shouldn't I be spending more time with him? But I wasn't sure how I'll be able to take it. I could hear him, even though he was far. Why is it that I hear so many voices around me but his is as clear as a bell? It's like I'm tuned into him. It is so not helping self-distraction! I really wanted to scream at him to stop talking. I approached another method. I looked into the sky again seeing weird and familiar shapes. His voice disturbed me again... New method! I translated everything he said into French! Ha! That distracted me... only until so far... I kept glancing at my watch. Dad, where are you?

Noooo~ This was bad! The shell I've taken an hour to re-build is cracking yet again. Here come the waterworks... I left the Grandstand, walking to who knows where. I ended up at the Surau, where we had our PS just moments before. I guess you know what happens next. Then, as I walked achingly slow to the Grandstand, I saw my father's car! I rushed and picked up my bags. My mind was screaming at me. "Whatever you do, do not say goodbye to Saidi." I complied to my mind, keeping the mantra moving across my mind. That was until he greeted me instead as I loaded my stuff into the back seat. My head automatically snapped to his direction and I gave a small wave. Boy, did I regret doing that. More tears welled up and I stayed quiet for the rest of the journey. I told my dad I was tired when he asked but really I was crying. We stopped at Giant and I cried harder when I was alone, listening to the song at the Farewell Party; Kenangan Terindah- Samsons.

Sai, I'm sorry that you had to read this and I'm also sorry for avoiding you yesterday. I'm sorry I didn't get to say it to you yesterday but here it is. "Sai, I'm going to miss you, more than you know and I love you."