I don't think I can find any words to describe today. I was... ecstatic, hyper, nervous, damn happy and sad all at once. My emotions turned from one to another, its a mixed bag of jelly beans. My heart swelled with happiness at today's success but again I felt the pain the ripped band-aid left me. The sting, I think will last me a lifetime.
I left home late, loading everything onto my Dad's Toyota Corolla; my fruit cocktail pudding, the brownies, my school stuff, my keyboard... I had friends to help me carry the stuff and we headed to the MP room. haha~ Man, was it full of stuff! Sham wanted me to test the keyboard and I did, I even played a few songs. Practising should be a better word. I started to fell the spasms of nervousness in the pit of my stomach. My fingers glided the black and white keys and I was happy. My song was called River Flows in You by Yiruma. It's my gift to both Saidi and Ping. My last gift. It was something sincere and came straight from the heart.
Then the bell rang and we all scattered like chickens. I saw Saidi downstairs, its painful that I had to avoid him the rest of the day. I mean, shouldn't your last day with someone be spent with the person who's leaving? People kept telling me to look straight and ignore him but I thought it was rude to just ignore him like that so I waved. Then rushed to class but before that, I had errands to do. I had a pudding to give my brother, I asked Asri to do that for me =P, and sent Laila and Diviy's brownies. But before I could step a foot into my classroom, I was halted by my classmates. The room was still wet from today's mopping session so I waited... and waited... I went through the other door instead as I was never one with patience and as carefully as I could, I avoided the wet marks and plopped down on my seat. I felt really tired... (lack of sleep and no breakfast) Not even a second after that we had to stand for the National Anthem. Oh, give me a break! My seat wasn't even warm! I had to tell the MP's to not let Saidi into the MP room so he wouldn't spoil the surprise. So sorry Saidi! =) Then Doa and announcements then my Chemistry. Hectic Monday.
PS block 2! Elaine and I ventured into the canteen and a voice called out to us. "Sengaja kh tu?" I hadn't realised that Saidi was there and turned to apologise but I knew better. We went straight to our table and went upstairs to check if the MP room was clear. It was and we moved upstairs. I hurt my arm again... =.=" I can't go through a day without hurting myself. We had a close encounter with Saidi when we exited the room to call Sham. Phew~ I plugged my keyboard on and practised until break was over. Ainal sent me to my Maths class. Again I caught glimpse of Saidi and I got caught this time. She's sharp and she told me to keep walking and avoid him till the 2.30. Come on~ Well... I thought. I still had Maths with Saidi so haha~ I can't technically avoid him. But... It seems that fate is against me today. He didn't attend Maths so I was... hurt to say the least.
Lunch... I met Saidi again but I had to leave! Ainal kept telling me to ignore and avoid like everyone else told me to today... "Kemana kamu tu?" He asked and I was told to lie through my teeth and I answered, "Aku awal balik." Okay, what the hell? Some unbelievable lie. (rolls eyes) Then we went to MP room. I felt my stomach lurch. I felt guilty for lying to Saidi (even if it was a dumb unrealistic lie) and it felt... weird not seeing him the whole day. Somehow I felt glad about it too. Maybe my body was subconsciously and purposely avoided him for my own good. Then, again I practised and people kept taking videos of me! It made me nervous and restless! I hate cameras and phones as of today! I made a lot of mistakes because of my nervousness and I decided... The hell with it.
Okay, I rushed my Biology practicals and hurried downstairs to the MP room. It was freaking locked! Jeerah kept knocking and asking Yu Heng to open it. But the door was stuck! Great... I need more time to practice damn it! I didn't get to practice when I saw all those people. My nervousness was back and my hands were ice cold. My blood froze and people were starting to get worried. I laughed it off but seriously I was scared. Then picture time and my performance got closer. I kept avoiding people who asked me to sit before my keyboard. Somehow, I automatically avoided Saidi. What? Guess it's for my own defence or the avoiding thing really got to me.
My performance was up and I had to be literally dragged to my keyboard. I took deep breaths and played. I think it was disastrous as I had mistakes. Then I finished and took a bow. I was overwhelmed as people clapped for me. I didn't think it was that good but people kept telling me otherwise. My face aflame I sat down next to Nesh and watched the performance rolled on. I was still embarrassed about my performance despite the thumbs up people kept giving me and stayed quiet. I talked to Nesh and Amali kept me company. I avoided food, suddenly not feeling hungry despite not eating for the whole day but Nesh wouldn't let me go through the ordeal with an empty stomach. I finally gave in and got up to get some food. I fed Amali the baby and had to endure Sham's teasing for the rest of my meal.
More picture taking, teasing, fooling around, chatting and Nesh and I sent Dijah to the grandstand area. I played my keyboard for fun and people then urged me to play River Flows in You again and I complied. Then I played other random songs; Sadness and Sorrow (which was certainly compatible with my mood as the day came to a close), Canon, Sky Theme and To Zanarkand. Then more picture taking! When will it end? This time it was by Sham and I agreed. I posed a few for Saidi's sake. I wondered how the pictures turned out? The smile probably looked forced... But I did feel a flicker of happiness. But I bet my expression looked sad. I played the song again due to Saidi's request. He told me that he loved it, despite my protests on how terrible it was. He wanted the song, he kept saying. Qieb offered to send him the original song but he preferred my horrible playing and asked people if they recorded me. Saidi trust me, it was horrible. I saw the recordings... =(
Then... Well at this stage a flock of people were worried sick over me, asking if I was okay. What was my expression at that time? "Jangan nangis" Nesh said. I laughed but really I felt the dull ache of being stabbed with a blunt knife. I promised myself that today I would not shed tears. Especially not for Saidi so he wouldn't feel heavy at heart to leave. I played again, the song that people seem to love so much now. Then as I approached Qieb near the window, I broke my promise and started to sob uncontrollably. As quick as a flash I had people by my side, hugging and shushing me. I'm really grateful for these handful of friends. I tried to stop but the tears just kept fall and I felt my face burn. Silent pleas and more hugs reached me but I did not hear of feel them. At that time I just felt numb... Then Saidi came and sat before me. The tears fell harder. His pleas made it harder to stop, he sounded like he was crying too. I'm sorry Sai... ='( It was Sham's turn and he evoked a strangled laugh from me. I felt a little better after that. Thanks Sham. =)
I gave Saidi his brownies and my little note. Keep that Saidi. =D And after another hilarious scene we left the MP room. I'll remember this day forever. A sad and happy memory rolled into one, forever lodged into the deepest part of my brain. I love today! I love it! I love it!
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