Stats and Allergies (Zimah)

On Thursday night after I brushed up on my statistics I went to sleep but had a hard time. I tossed and turned but felt my right pinky burn like it was on fire. I ignored it but it was so itchy! Why the hell was it itchy and burning? I couldn't bend my fingers either. I examined it under my flash light and my fingers looked like it was bitten by a thousand ants and had swollen twice it size, especially my ring and pinky finger. It hurt and the skin was peeling off in some areas. I ran to my parent's room cradling my swollen hand. Okay in the light, it looked a whole lot worse. My mum said I touched something that cause my hand to break in rashes. I was given some funky smelling ointment and I had to take my allergy pills. That took me out in an instant and I woke up after 10 hours of sleep. Man, that drug was powerful. My fingers were still swollen though and my family was determined to find what I was allergic to. They couldn't find the origin though...

Friday night and I was left alone in the house as my parents had a function. I decided to cook up dinner since I wanted to take statistics out of my mind. Cooking was always a stress reliever for me. I searched the cupboards but didn't found any ingredients I could work with. I searched the freezer and found some leftover meat and I remembered we still had some potatoes and carrots. So in the end I made this:

Black Pepper Beef and Veggies

Yes, I am quite aware that I am being show off-y right now but I'm so proud of my creation. That totally took out the stress from my statistics. Cooking is fun. Wheeeee~ When my brother got home, he was eating the food like a hungry animal. haha~ He was tired from his badminton practice. However, my mum wasn't too keen on her kitchen being a mess. I had to clean it up later. =P

Well then after all things have been settled, I returned to my Stats but I was so tired. But then again; No pain No gain! So I studied until 3.30 in the morning. haha~ Then I slept and woke up at 5.30 for Subuh prayers. So only 2 hours of sleep but it was so worth it. Because I find the paper somewhat okay, better than my Pure Maths anyway. hehe~ Then I went to my Brother's house to catch some Z's. But with 1 kid, 2 toddlers and 1 baby in the house, I couldn't and I became Nanny for a day. =) I just couldn't say no. So I went without sleep but I rocked my EAS paper 2. At least I hoped so. haha~ I did an imaginative story about ME! It was a short autobiography of my childhood memories. I stretched the truth a bit to make it more interesting but all of my ideas were base on my own memories. Section B was a real toughie. At first I picked a speech but then... "A 600 word speech? NO WAY!" So I changed it and setteled for a magazine article about 'Dangerous Fools'- People who do extreme sports. I finished with plenty of time to spare and I checked my work. I went with Diviy to the canteen after that and brought some food. Then the day drawled on and I blogged about it here! hehe~

Catch you cool cats later~

And He Was Gone... (Zimah)

I had my EAS Finals today and on a scale of 1 to 10, it was a freaking 15! It definitely beat Mathematics who scored a 12 on the scale in the competition on which paper was harder. The topics were about the White Stripes, Titanic and novel about The Colour Purple or something like that... I couldn't remember. =P I chose the first two and the Titanic one was really tough... It had only a few figures of speech so there wasn't much I could work with. My exam ended at 10 and since I didn't have any more exams after that, I went home. Good luck to those taking Physics! But then I heard the loudest unimaginable growl from the pit of my stomach. haha~ I was hungry as I skipped dinner to sleep early and breakfast as I was late. My dad laughed but was tired to bring me to any restaurant but being a parent, he offered to take me to the Warung next to school.

There wasn't any students so it felt a bit weird being there. The guy who worked there, who was usually the biggest grouch on the face of this planet was being unusually nice... Okay. Weird. I think it had something with the 4 Pinoy Mamasitas sitting there. My rice wasn't prepared as soon as I ordered it but was pre made and was stacked on the counter. I guess their business wasn't as booming as before when everyone didn't have exams. So I entered my Dad's car, put my seatbelt on and opened the Styrofoam container. I was famished! My Dad said something about doing something tomorrow, Friday and I did a double take. Today was Thursday! Don't blame me for loosing track of time, I had a lot going on! I find it ironic that it was Thursday and that I went to the Warung. Why? Remember how I would spend my Thursday PS at the Warung? Yeah, that's why. The last time I remember being there with my PS mates was... The day before Saidi stopped school.

(Sigh) Today's exam had distracted me from Saidi's absence. I couldn't help but wonder if he's okay in UK. I bet he has jet lag. Then after finishing my rice my mind drifted to Tuesday. 26th August scarred me. I wasn't able to attend Saidi's take off. Things had gotten complicated. I was upset that I couldn't come, it killed me. Qieb called me that day, at around 6.20 asking if I was coming. I told her in a strained voice, no. Maybe it was for the better or maybe not... It was loud in the airport and I could barely hear what she was saying but I did hear her ask if I wanted to talk to Saidi for the last time before he goes. Now I wasn't sure about it, I was already on the edge, I could fall any time to the long drop below. I agreed anyway and I was very overwhelmed, tears started pouring. Qieb told me that it might take a while for Saidi to talk. That's good, I would have time to compose myself.

When I heard his voice, I tried to sound happy but my voice cracked and composure flew out of the window just like how my tears splashed uncontrollably down my face. There wasn't much talking on both sides as I cried and apologised while he just listened. Choking back a sob I told him to take care and he gave me a few advice before he hung up. Then when I could finally cool down, I texted Qieb to tell Saidi the message that couldn't leave my lips. The usual I miss yous and etcetera. Tears kept running down my face and I prayed hard for his safety. ...Don't look at me like that. =.= I do pray, seriously. I just do it in the sanctuary of my bedroom. I have a thing about praying in public places. As I glanced at the clock which showed 7.40, the dam burst open. It was torture not seeing him in his last few hours in Brunei. I called Qieb at 8 asking how it went. I could feel the hoarseness and sadness in her voice. She told me how it was a happy yet sad moment when he turned and waved to everyone for the last time. Everyone was crying without me to start the fire this time. I would have given anything to be there.

The next day, everyone was talking about his departure and the bitter-sweet moments. I just stayed quiet, I didn't have a say in anything. People kept asking why I couldn't make it. I just couldn't. Don't get me wrong, I would have killed some random guy for his car keys and driven to the airport if I could. I would. After Chemistry Finals, Qieb filled me in on everything yesterday. I just smiled a sad smile and wiped the lone tear. Then I was startled by my father who woke me. We had arrived at home and I thought it was about time that I blogged.

My Answer (Zimah)

The answer to the riddle below is none of the choices. Because the real answer is 'Chips n Resoles' =) The price is 80 cents... Because 1/4 of the chips was already eaten by Pirah. I win! What's my prize? =P

TEKA-TEKI

SINI ADA SOALAN..MUN SIAPA KAN MENJAWAB..JWB TIA..MUN NDA...NDA APA...K

APA BENDANYA NI? ADAKAH...

1. SPAGETTI BRUNEI
2. AYAM MASAK MERAH
3. PUCUK UBI MASAK BELADA
4. ROTI ARAB D BERAKAS DLU
5. METABAK CAMPUR CHIPS
6. CHIP AND ROGUT
7. PIZZA CAMPUR CHIPS

SAMA..BERAPA HARGANYA NE SATU?

BAH SIAPA YANG TAU JAWAPANNYA A2 D ALU2KAN LAA MENJAWAB..K
ADIAHNYA...RAHSIA!!!

TO- SAIDI SERAIL

ASSALAMUALAIKUM SAIDI...APA KBRMU EH..LAMA DAH TANE NDA JUMPA AH....RINDU KU KAN MEMBULI KAU EH...HAHAHAHA..EH...MUN DAH D UK A2 JGN LUPA2KAN KAMI AH...TERUTAMA C ZIMAH K...HEHE....SAMA CHIP AND ROGUT...HEHE..EH...MUN KO RINDUKAN CHIP AND ROGUT BRUNEI..KO GTO SAJA AKU...AKU NGANTAT PKI XPRESS..JGN TAH INGAU..2NGGU 15 MINIT ADA TAH SAMPAI 2 D RUMAHMU...(BTW..KO SANA TINGGAL D RUMAH KAN?)
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I'm Okay... (Zimah)

I went to school today, I didn't want to miss anything as we are nearing to our Finals. Maybe the teachers are dropping hints and tips and I certainly did not want to miss that out! Especially for my Chemistry...

Upon reaching school and dumping my bags, I did my routine. I waved to Asri who was at his usual place at the corridor and I visited class A.2.1 where Jazz and the others were waiting for me. Elaine didn't want to talk about what happened yesterday, claiming it wasn't fun without me. It was very thoughtful of her to try and not hurt my feelings. I must have looked really fragile this morning. Everyone kept their guard up and was careful to not mention his name. I told her it was okay and that I already knew but she just shrugged it off. The conversation about my absence yesterday ended there and Jazz and I walked around school. I met Sham and he asked if I'd been crying. haha~ No, Sham. I was ill.

Mdm. Ooi commented on how sickly pale I looked. haha~ She was dead on. The fever totally killed my appetite but I was always thirsty, as if I had been walking in the desert for months. My skin was all dry and even after 20+ of sleep, I was tired. Maths flew by and I enjoyed the revision, it was refreshing and I'm not being sarcastic. English was... Dull. Yes, that's the right word for it, I would have fallen asleep if it weren't so noisy in class. I spent my break with my girlfriends teasing Jeerah about a certain someone :P and did more revision during my Biology. After my last lesson of the day (Chemistry), which was full of helpful hints by Mr. Oscar, I had lunch with Jazz.

I wasn't really planning on eating as the very thought of food makes my stomach do back flips but I had to if I was to take my medicine. I got my usual Milo Ping and... Spring Rolls! New menu~ After eating one, I downed my antibiotics and paracetamol tablets which tasted icky... I drank half of my Milo and weighed if I should eat another Spring Roll. "For energy.", Jazz said. Fine but after eating half of it, my stomach lurched. Ugh, bad idea. The third, I thought will be my dinner. A strong gust of wind blew the flimsy plastic top of my Milo and I was forced to drink it like I would from a cup. I had a laugh about it releasing the tension clouding the atmosphere. Nesh kept looking over at me and I assured her that I was okay. "But your post was so sad and so emotional." (Sigh) Now, I got everyone worried... Sorry guys~ "I'm okay."I assured her, like I did to everyone else today. "You must have practised saying that yesterday." Nesh joked. Okay, maybe I did. But really, I was holding up, I made a promise yesterday and I intend to keep it this time.

I stayed back during my PS block, accompanying Jeerah to the Library. It was like a walk to memory lane when Jeerah lead me to a very familiar table. It was the very table that Saidi and I used when he taught me Mean and Standard Deviation for our first assessment. Awww~ My breath hitched and I sat at the same place I sat many months before. I shivered, the place I sat was cold and Jeerah offered to move but I stopped her, saying how this table had old memories. I didn't want to move. She had accidentally mentioned his name and quickly looked over at my expression, apologising. My mouth was a thin line and I sucked back air and let it out again. "It's okay, I'm fine." I wondered it I was assuring Jeerah or myself this time.

I took out my Biology and did some revision but then there was a whole lot of a commotion as both seniors and juniors rushed to every available computer and laptop. That distracted me from my work. What the blazes was going on? It was like everyone was going bonkers. I kept hearing 'AS' and 'O Levels' and then it hit me! The results were out! I thought of my friends back in KB and texted them. The Library was so emotional... There was lots of crying and groaning, only a few were happy and excited. I then wondered what Khairul's results were. I was crossing my fingers for him to get a B and above for English. He'd worked so hard on it and I prayed silently for his success. Jeerah and I decided to find out what Khairul's grades were and we hunted for free laptops amongst the jungle of eagerness but to no avail. In the end, we finally got one! Yay~ The senior was kind enough to help us search for Khairul's results and he got... (drum rolls) A B for his English! Alhamdulillah! Good job, Khairul! I texted Saidi to share with him the great news, I just couldn't contain the happiness. He too, was ecstatic! We are so proud of you Khai!

Then I saw Qieb enter the Library and not a second after that, Khairul! I ran over to him telling him the great news. He wouldn't believe it and I gave him the Scout's Honour and swore that I wasn't lying. That smile on his face was brighter than any Sun. We sat down talking about O Levels and Zimo's awesome AAB grades. He got a freaking A for his Chemistry, I was beyond jealous and vowed to work harder on my Chemistry. Khairul was still bummed out about getting just a passing grade on his Maths though even when I convinced him that it wasn't worth it as he took the 3 sciences. But Khairul, as stubborn as a mule kept nagging on how he wanted a credit for Maths. He said he was going to retake it next year and asked Qieb to join. Qieb voiced out that she's planning to take her English O Level next year for fun despite having a C. "I want a B." She said. Come on Qieb, aim for A! I kept telling them it was a waste of money and time but they both said it will make our grades look nicer. "Fine. I'll retake all my subjects (except for English) and turn them all into A's!" I proclaimed. Then we planned to retake our O Levels next year. I bet that little statement will be long forgotten by next year. =D

So, we exited the Library at 2.30 and spread the word on Khairul's success. Don't be embarrassed about it Khai! It's your time! =)

See Sai, I'm not going to post up sad things for you to read. I'm perfectly fine so no need to worry about me but that doesn't mean you should forget me! Thank you for yesterday, I really appreciate it. In case you've forgotten... I miss you and I love you, Sai!

INTRO 1

ahli-ahli Gay Club PS Blok 2

Hi...wazzup? Mula2 sekali..biar ku kenalkan diriku laa..namaku Sham Hidie...panggil ikut suka laa...Sham ka...Hidie ka..asal namaku...hehe..aku ane salah seorng dripd ahli kelab ane..ehehe... Ok..sebelum memulakan rencana ane ngan lebih lanjut...mula2 biar ku crita laa asal-usul cana GAY CLUB ane bleh tetubuh...ok...mula2,pd asalnya ahli2nya ane nganya durang c Zimah,Elaine,Nisah,Sakinah,Pirah.Saidi & Shadab...tp aku tia join masuk klab ane...mau tau critanya..ne nah..ehem! Suatu masa dlu sblum tetubuhnya GAY CLUB ane(masa a2 balum benama lg..Wujud pun alum),PS Blok 2 hanya d pelopori oleh durang2 anelah...aku masa a2 PS Blok 5..aha jauh ah..kemudian 1 ari,aku mndpt sepucuk surat dri pihak atasan berkenaan permohonanku ntuk menukar subjek dri Psychology ke Syariah diperkenankan(YEEHAA!),aku pun tukarlah subjek..tp dtukarnyanya PS blokku dri Blok 5 ke Blok 2..HUH! Mula2 bangangku kan lepak ngan siapa..ndakan sama auntie kantin x..nda seswai..ahaha! Last2 aku tejumpa Shadab..taruz laa dbwanya ku lepak2 ngan durang(fuh..nasib baik!)TP masalahnya nda bnyk yg ku biasa..Shadab,Kinah,Saidi,Nisah nganya ku biasa.Kemudian lama2...semua tia ku biasa ngan durang..ahakz! Selepas lama2 kan..ku lyat & peratikan durang2 ane semuanya stress..bukan apa,sress psl bnyk kraja skulah...Yg ku heran..durang nganya stress bnyk kraja..aku nda pun..(ehe!). kemudian timbullah ilham d kepala ane..iaitu ntuk cuba membuat joke2..ngacau2 urang...mula2 nda berhasil..tp last2 a2,berjaya tia(yezz!).Kemudian 1 ari..ada,siapa ka ...Elaine x (ntah..aku pun nda ingat bnrnya...ehe)mencadangkan nama Gay ane ntuk PS blok 2..mula2 bnyk protes..pas a2 bru surang2 phm apa makna GAY a2 bnrnya...A2 pun pas ku kaunseling durang surang2..aha!Ntuk pengetahuan lbih lanjut..urg yg slalu ku buli tym PS a2 c Saidi..siuk bah ngacau ia ah..haha..Tp ane buring tia...Sal Saidi kan belayar(sob-sob-sob!) Tp nda apa..C Zeemah 'ehem' Saidi ada..buli ia saja..aha..(ops..jgn marah ah Saidi!ehe..)

Ok..a2 saja x ah..serba sikit asal-usul sejarah cana GAY CLUB ane buleh tetubuh d muka bumi ane..ehehe..

Bagi siapa2 yg mau berkenalan lebih lanjut..namaku Sham Hidie..umur 18 tahun..tinggal d 'ehem'..hobi..mengacau urg,main musik,mengayau d sekolah,suka lepak d kantin..um..apa lg ah..a2 saja x ah..mau tau lebih lanjut..add emel ku (msn & fs) ibnu_sabil_27@html.com

k..jumpa lg nanti :oD

p/s:- warning!!!!! kPD PEMBACA2 SEKALIAN...JGN SALAH PHM AH.. MKSUD 'GAY' D SANA A2 BERMAKSUD HAPPY...BUKAN YG 'EHEM' A2 EH...MUN NDA CAYA REFER ARH DICTIONARY....OK!!!

Regret, No More! (Zimah)

Well, after yesterday (which was full of crying) talking about immune systems, I got to know how really weak my immune system is. Yup, right after I got home, I fell ill. I had a high fever and was confined to my bed. All the while I was thinking and having nightmares of my Maths Test and not to mention nightmares of reliving Tuesday... Well, I never got to study for my Maths. My fever was so intense, I could hardly move. I couldn't eat and I had hallucinations. In the end, I missed school and my Maths Test...

When I woke up this afternoon, I felt... empty as I remembered yesterday and my nightmares. It scared me to no end. I regretted everything yesterday. Every last damned thing. Not only did I hurt myself in the process but I had hurt Saidi as well. I blogged, I couldn't help it. I poured everything I felt yesterday into my last post. Then I went online with Qieb but just for a few moments. The I chatted with Saidi. It was painful, the wound being plastered with multiple band-aids and ripped forcefully a million times over. I apologised for everything that I had made him endure and I apologised to have made him cry. He forgave me so easily...

I read his blog and I couldn't help but cry. He's more hurt than all of us put together. I felt selfish and apologised again and again and again. He told me he was present at school today to hang out with the rest of the Gay Club and I missed it. I blame it all at the fever. He told me it was okay, that I wasn't going to get hurt by him but he's wrong. I was wrong! Avoiding him was the most stupidest idea of the century! Sure, it hurt to spend time with him knowing he's going to leave. But it hurts more to not spend time with him and have those memories. So, I regret yesterday. I regret hurting Saidi and myself. Only now I've realised it, only it's too late. I can't do anything about it.

No Sai, don't say to not blame myself over this. There no one else to blame but me. It's my mistake and I'm prepared to face the consequences. Let me take the responsibility. I also feel half responsible for making it harder for you to leave.

But, no Saidi wouldn't hear the end of it. And I quote, "We are created by Allah, so by blaming yourself, you are blaming Allah. But then, no human is perfect. Even I look forward to learn and become a stronger person!"

I give up, Sai. You always have the right words to say. If I was present today with you, I would say, "I know you've heard this a million times over but I'll say it again. I miss you Sai and I love you."

The Farewell. Monday, 18th August 2008 (Zimah)

I'm going to let the pictures do the talking...

Ping, cut the cake!

Aww, don't be sad~

Party was co-sponsored by PRS =)

The party was for these guys

My most embarrassing moment!

Okay, those pictures were from my camera. Most of it was wasted on the video of someone's feet. Notice that most of the pictures are of Ping? haha~ It's the cameraman's fault. Here are more pictures!

Saidi's gifts

I wasn't here... =( I was practising...

Hurry and cut the cake already Ping!

That looks so nyummy... Unfortunately, I didn't get a slice.

Saidi with PRS VP2 Hasna

Saidi with his mates

Aww~

Double aww~ =D

Notice the only one not smiling?

One big happy family

My favourite picture. The picture before I cried my eyes out...

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed those bitter-sweet memories. A day I shall always remember forever. Thanks to Ping who motivated and threatened me to post up these pictures. Thank you fever for making me miss school and give me time to blog (kidding). Thank you Ain for giving me the (kirai2). Thank you Qieb for enduring everything from me. Thank you Saidi for comforting me and giving me the courage to post this up. I love you all!

Sorry Nesh! (Zimah)

Nesh! Sorry I lost the template for the previous blog skin and I put another template to replace it. Sorry Nesh! Managing a blog should not have been left in the hands of an amateur like me.

One Could Only Take So Many Farewells... (Zimah)

I should probably say this, before I wrote this blog I was thinking to lie about everything that has happened yesterday. I'm sure Qieb wouldn't hear of it though and she convinced me to tell the truth anyway. So yesterday (Tuesday, 19th August 2008) was one of the worst days of my life not including the other days that were thought to be Saidi's 'last day'. I knew that yesterday would do me no good. I expected for it to be just a normal non-sad day like any other but as usual fate was against me.

It started like any normal day should; waking up, a hot shower, getting dressed, breakfast and a half-hour ride to school. After dumping my bag at class, I met up with Jazz as usual and walked around the school like we had nothing better to do. I met Ain and Gypsy and we hugged. Man I love my GKA. After registrations I had Biology where we had absolutely nothing to do. So... We ended up studying or talking. Qieb (another GKA) was worried about me, asking how I was taking it. haha~ I took it pretty well... not until much later. We talked about random girly stuff and I studied about infectious diseases. I started with Transport in Animals though but Khairul's questions about Malaria ended up with me studying Infectious Diseases.

Chemistry... As per usual we studied something that every other class had already learned. Teacher Jas's class still couldn't get over the fact that we hadn't learned a lot of stuff during her teaching period. It was break and I talked with Jazz... I was distracting myself, to be truthful. Then PS. The first few minutes, I traded pictures with Saidi, unsuccessfully convincing him to not take the video of me playing River Flows in You. The guys went off to buy their usual menu while I stayed back with Saidi who accidentally copied pictures into my memory stick instead of my pen drive. Then after they all came back we went downstairs to the canteen to buy our food. I decided to treat Saidi and we brought Chips and nothing. I got myself my usual Milo Ping while Saidi, who refused to let me pay for his drink, got himself his sugar cane juice. Then we went upstairs and guess what? More picture taking! After Pirah told me how to upload pictures into the blog (I'm new so sue me) here it is:

Man of the hour, Saidi

Sham, the Jester

Pirah, the Spunky Girl

Pirah n Me

Pirah n Elaine eating Chips n Rogut!

Elaine feeding Sham?!?

Sham n Shadab

Baby Alai, angry at Sham's unfaithfulness

Nesh and her bottle that kept falling

We evoked a smile from him =)

Haha~ Take that Saidi!

"I'm fine", he says. Even after being mauled by Sham

"I want to be a fireman when I grow up!"

Can't you just feel the happiness radiating from me? (Sarcasm)

Picture of the Day!

Again, because Saidi didn't show up for Monday's Maths class, I begged him to come. He refused. So I used other methods, threatening, annoying and I even used Sham for crying out loud but he wouldn't budge. I scowled inwardly. But then as PS block came to an end. Saidi decided to come to Maths after all. What the heck? Okay, I got a little angry... I wasn't fooling around that time. But as it suddenly came, it was gone. Only to be replaced with sadness. The shell that I've been building around me was cracking. So I excused myself and went to the toilet to wipe my stupid tears. I took the time to compose myself and when the bell rang I exited the room. I avoided Saidi's gaze and entered class. I was... 'unusually quiet' says Amal who sat next to me during Maths class as I was known to be really hyper to her. I told her it was nothing but I guess the sniffing gave it all away.

I spent most of my lunch time with Jazz. Talking about the immune system and how her immune system was strong while mine was a bit weaker that any other normal person. Then I just stayed quiet and tried to avoid Saidi as much as possible for my own sake as well as his. I distracted myself, looking at the sky and any other things besides Saidi while hugging my knees. It was Azan and thankfully, Saidi didn't ask me to hold his glasses for him, if not it would have been the death of me. I wasn't really paying attention to what others around me said, really absorbed in my cloud watching. My quietness alerted the girls, sensing something was afoot. I shrugged it off and we all went to EAS together. In class, Nesh surprised me a bit with a quote from The Dark Knight. "Why so serious?" I nearly laughed my head off but really I was trying to rebuild my broken shell. I was mentally preparing myself for later. My group had nothing to do since we finished our work yesterday so I had plenty of time.

I was sad that the day was coming to an end. I met up with Saidi at the Grandstand and he tried to comfort me like everyone else did. I recoiled, telling him that his comforting is only going to make it harder for me. He looked a bit defeated. I decided to attend the scholarship talk and it was fun to say the least. I sat next to Qieb and I doodled a very nice symbol which Qieb thought to be cute. hehe~ Then we scurried out of the room when the talk was finished. Elaine, Saf, Ivy, Jeerah, Qieb and I went to the canteen and sat down taking about more girly stuff; about Cadbury (kirai) and some other stuff... (kirai kirai) Then we went to the Grandstand.

It was chock full of people and Saidi was there. My heart fell. Again I distracted myself, talking to Sri, Qieb, Ping and Azmi. Then Qieb had to go. No! At least I still had distractions... Then Azmi and Sri went to talk with others... Double No! At least I have Ping. We became hyper and that distracted me at lot. I glanced at my watch 4.oo pm. Okay, I just have to live through it for another half and hour. "Zimah, my car is here." Said Ping. I felt like fainting. Noooo~ My last distraction gone! I hugged her and well... I thought I was going to die for the next half hour. Saidi was there but I stood far away. I couldn't help but wonder if avoiding Saidi was the best situation. Since this was the last of his last day, shouldn't I be spending more time with him? But I wasn't sure how I'll be able to take it. I could hear him, even though he was far. Why is it that I hear so many voices around me but his is as clear as a bell? It's like I'm tuned into him. It is so not helping self-distraction! I really wanted to scream at him to stop talking. I approached another method. I looked into the sky again seeing weird and familiar shapes. His voice disturbed me again... New method! I translated everything he said into French! Ha! That distracted me... only until so far... I kept glancing at my watch. Dad, where are you?

Noooo~ This was bad! The shell I've taken an hour to re-build is cracking yet again. Here come the waterworks... I left the Grandstand, walking to who knows where. I ended up at the Surau, where we had our PS just moments before. I guess you know what happens next. Then, as I walked achingly slow to the Grandstand, I saw my father's car! I rushed and picked up my bags. My mind was screaming at me. "Whatever you do, do not say goodbye to Saidi." I complied to my mind, keeping the mantra moving across my mind. That was until he greeted me instead as I loaded my stuff into the back seat. My head automatically snapped to his direction and I gave a small wave. Boy, did I regret doing that. More tears welled up and I stayed quiet for the rest of the journey. I told my dad I was tired when he asked but really I was crying. We stopped at Giant and I cried harder when I was alone, listening to the song at the Farewell Party; Kenangan Terindah- Samsons.

Sai, I'm sorry that you had to read this and I'm also sorry for avoiding you yesterday. I'm sorry I didn't get to say it to you yesterday but here it is. "Sai, I'm going to miss you, more than you know and I love you."

A Day That Will Last an Eternity in Me (Zimah)

I don't think I can find any words to describe today. I was... ecstatic, hyper, nervous, damn happy and sad all at once. My emotions turned from one to another, its a mixed bag of jelly beans. My heart swelled with happiness at today's success but again I felt the pain the ripped band-aid left me. The sting, I think will last me a lifetime.

I left home late, loading everything onto my Dad's Toyota Corolla; my fruit cocktail pudding, the brownies, my school stuff, my keyboard... I had friends to help me carry the stuff and we headed to the MP room. haha~ Man, was it full of stuff! Sham wanted me to test the keyboard and I did, I even played a few songs. Practising should be a better word. I started to fell the spasms of nervousness in the pit of my stomach. My fingers glided the black and white keys and I was happy. My song was called River Flows in You by Yiruma. It's my gift to both Saidi and Ping. My last gift. It was something sincere and came straight from the heart.

Then the bell rang and we all scattered like chickens. I saw Saidi downstairs, its painful that I had to avoid him the rest of the day. I mean, shouldn't your last day with someone be spent with the person who's leaving? People kept telling me to look straight and ignore him but I thought it was rude to just ignore him like that so I waved. Then rushed to class but before that, I had errands to do. I had a pudding to give my brother, I asked Asri to do that for me =P, and sent Laila and Diviy's brownies. But before I could step a foot into my classroom, I was halted by my classmates. The room was still wet from today's mopping session so I waited... and waited... I went through the other door instead as I was never one with patience and as carefully as I could, I avoided the wet marks and plopped down on my seat. I felt really tired... (lack of sleep and no breakfast) Not even a second after that we had to stand for the National Anthem. Oh, give me a break! My seat wasn't even warm! I had to tell the MP's to not let Saidi into the MP room so he wouldn't spoil the surprise. So sorry Saidi! =) Then Doa and announcements then my Chemistry. Hectic Monday.

PS block 2! Elaine and I ventured into the canteen and a voice called out to us. "Sengaja kh tu?" I hadn't realised that Saidi was there and turned to apologise but I knew better. We went straight to our table and went upstairs to check if the MP room was clear. It was and we moved upstairs. I hurt my arm again... =.=" I can't go through a day without hurting myself. We had a close encounter with Saidi when we exited the room to call Sham. Phew~ I plugged my keyboard on and practised until break was over. Ainal sent me to my Maths class. Again I caught glimpse of Saidi and I got caught this time. She's sharp and she told me to keep walking and avoid him till the 2.30. Come on~ Well... I thought. I still had Maths with Saidi so haha~ I can't technically avoid him. But... It seems that fate is against me today. He didn't attend Maths so I was... hurt to say the least.

Lunch... I met Saidi again but I had to leave! Ainal kept telling me to ignore and avoid like everyone else told me to today... "Kemana kamu tu?" He asked and I was told to lie through my teeth and I answered, "Aku awal balik." Okay, what the hell? Some unbelievable lie. (rolls eyes) Then we went to MP room. I felt my stomach lurch. I felt guilty for lying to Saidi (even if it was a dumb unrealistic lie) and it felt... weird not seeing him the whole day. Somehow I felt glad about it too. Maybe my body was subconsciously and purposely avoided him for my own good. Then, again I practised and people kept taking videos of me! It made me nervous and restless! I hate cameras and phones as of today! I made a lot of mistakes because of my nervousness and I decided... The hell with it.

Okay, I rushed my Biology practicals and hurried downstairs to the MP room. It was freaking locked! Jeerah kept knocking and asking Yu Heng to open it. But the door was stuck! Great... I need more time to practice damn it! I didn't get to practice when I saw all those people. My nervousness was back and my hands were ice cold. My blood froze and people were starting to get worried. I laughed it off but seriously I was scared. Then picture time and my performance got closer. I kept avoiding people who asked me to sit before my keyboard. Somehow, I automatically avoided Saidi. What? Guess it's for my own defence or the avoiding thing really got to me.

My performance was up and I had to be literally dragged to my keyboard. I took deep breaths and played. I think it was disastrous as I had mistakes. Then I finished and took a bow. I was overwhelmed as people clapped for me. I didn't think it was that good but people kept telling me otherwise. My face aflame I sat down next to Nesh and watched the performance rolled on. I was still embarrassed about my performance despite the thumbs up people kept giving me and stayed quiet. I talked to Nesh and Amali kept me company. I avoided food, suddenly not feeling hungry despite not eating for the whole day but Nesh wouldn't let me go through the ordeal with an empty stomach. I finally gave in and got up to get some food. I fed Amali the baby and had to endure Sham's teasing for the rest of my meal.

More picture taking, teasing, fooling around, chatting and Nesh and I sent Dijah to the grandstand area. I played my keyboard for fun and people then urged me to play River Flows in You again and I complied. Then I played other random songs; Sadness and Sorrow (which was certainly compatible with my mood as the day came to a close), Canon, Sky Theme and To Zanarkand. Then more picture taking! When will it end? This time it was by Sham and I agreed. I posed a few for Saidi's sake. I wondered how the pictures turned out? The smile probably looked forced... But I did feel a flicker of happiness. But I bet my expression looked sad. I played the song again due to Saidi's request. He told me that he loved it, despite my protests on how terrible it was. He wanted the song, he kept saying. Qieb offered to send him the original song but he preferred my horrible playing and asked people if they recorded me. Saidi trust me, it was horrible. I saw the recordings... =(

Then... Well at this stage a flock of people were worried sick over me, asking if I was okay. What was my expression at that time? "Jangan nangis" Nesh said. I laughed but really I felt the dull ache of being stabbed with a blunt knife. I promised myself that today I would not shed tears. Especially not for Saidi so he wouldn't feel heavy at heart to leave. I played again, the song that people seem to love so much now. Then as I approached Qieb near the window, I broke my promise and started to sob uncontrollably. As quick as a flash I had people by my side, hugging and shushing me. I'm really grateful for these handful of friends. I tried to stop but the tears just kept fall and I felt my face burn. Silent pleas and more hugs reached me but I did not hear of feel them. At that time I just felt numb... Then Saidi came and sat before me. The tears fell harder. His pleas made it harder to stop, he sounded like he was crying too. I'm sorry Sai... ='( It was Sham's turn and he evoked a strangled laugh from me. I felt a little better after that. Thanks Sham. =)

I gave Saidi his brownies and my little note. Keep that Saidi. =D And after another hilarious scene we left the MP room. I'll remember this day forever. A sad and happy memory rolled into one, forever lodged into the deepest part of my brain. I love today! I love it! I love it!

Gay club (elaine)

hi..hello p.pol..wassup??the name's Elaine..C.V..hehe..m studying in PTEB..m friendly, funny, sometimes mean..bt yea..nwaz if yoll wana know me..juz add my email..Ginolaine_ai143@hotmail.com.both msn and email..nwaz i love PS Block2!! yuhuu..Rockin fun p.pol..love the gay club...hahaha.i love u and miss u p.pol..Saidi jua.

Since You've Been Gone (Zimah)

I'm going to update some really old news here. We haven't really been updating since the exams are inching closer.

Monday 11th August 2008;
The first day since Saidi left the Gay Club... The atmosphere of that day reflected my mood. Gloomy... I think it's a bit cheesy to say that Saidi was the sun that brighten our day. I was in no way ready for my Maths test. Well how could you when you've been staying in a hotel? I barely finished my 3 homeworks during the weekend. After my block 1 Chemistry, I told Elaine I was going to the Library to study. I did but I couldn't get anything through my clouded mind. There were other things... Truthfully, I was sort of avoiding my PS mates. I knew Saidi wasn't there. I wasn't ready for his absence just yet...

My Maths was... horrible. I couldn't concentrate and due to lack of sleep, the gears of my mind wouldn't turn. I got 50% if you're curious. What Mdm Ooi calls 'cukup makan'. My lowest Maths grade ever! I wasn't sure if I was bothered about my plummeting grade or the fact that Saidi wasn't with us anymore. English was... moody. I felt really annoyed that people kept asking me questions and I think the scowl on my face was evident. Syairah told me to cool down because I scared her. I plastered a fake smile and said sorry. Lunch... Dear God. I don't think I could survive the whole day. Jazz (Ainal) wasn't there to keep me company and calm me down. Tears kept glazing over my eyes whenever they accidentally took the Surau in view. The Azan nearly killed me. That would have been the time when Saidi would ask me to hold his glasses for him. Biology, thank goodness! The last subject of the day. Biology calmed me down as I had to focus on my practicals. Then I went home and cried my eyes out.

Tuesday, 12th August 2008;
Today, I was mentally prepared. My classes were dull so I'm just skipping straight to block 2 PS. The very fact of PS made my legs want to turn 180 degrees and run the hell away. I had no choice though, Sham announced that Saidi left us something. To me, it was a better reason to run but I don't think Elaine and Nesh would have let me. Baby Alai, Pirah, Nesh and I brought our food Chips and Rogut, Chips and Ressoles, you get the idea... We wanted to eat first and have Sham read Saidi's 'will'. He ended up reading it first and the whole table was dead silent. I couldn't help but clench my jaw and fists as he read on. I felt my body vibrate, was I really holding back the urge to cry? When a part of the letter talked on about me, my tears threatened to spill and they did. Well, you could guess it was a very sad day. Then Shadab told us that he received a text message from Saidi asking how we were holding up. I quickly checked my phone, remembering the vibrations. And there it was, clear as crystal! 2 missed calls and 1 text message from Saidi. I felt the corners of my lips twitch into a small sad smile at the text and answered him. We continued eating in silence until someone suggested that we'd call him. We abandoned the table and set sail towards the Surau.

I sacrificed my credit balance. The hell did I care. I had credit to burn and ten measly minutes of calling Saidi was more important. Sham was the first to speak and I was holding my breath the entire time the phone was passed around. Shadab was next then Elaine, Baby Alai, Nesh, Pirah and then... Me. My breath hitched when I held the phone to my ear. I greeted him in a strained voice, trying to sound calm for his sake. But when I heard him, I cried profusely, spilling everything I had tried to hold back. I wasted my time crying over him, mumbling incoherent sentences. All the while Saidi was telling me to stop crying. I wanted to but my eyes wouldn't let me! I didn't want him to feel guilty for leaving and I told him that but I couldn't help the joke when I said that there would be no one to accompany me to my Maths class anymore. With that we laid the phone and screamed on the top of our lungs. WE LOVE YOU SAIDI!

I dried my eyes for the second time of the day and we set off to our respective classes. Everyone kept telling me that whenever Saidi heard a female voice on the phone, he would instantly assume that it'd be me. Well, it could be because he thought I would be much calmer or rather he wanted to calm me first. Everyone ended up sending me to my Maths class because of my little comment. My eyes were still red and puffy but thankfully Mdm Ooi didn't seem to notice.

Wednesday, 13th August 2008;
Things with Saidi finally cooled down and I was calmer. I could smile without having it forced out from me. I looked forward to my PS like I always did even if he wasn't there. Our menus, as usual, Chips and something... I guess it's because it reminds us all of Saidi but then again there was the Chips Rogut obsession. We ate like usual, and chatted, fooled around, discussing his surprise party this 18th. There was an empty chair amongst the table, his chair. My phone vibrated and I smiled to the text message. Well, I'm not stating that here. =)

Anyway, something stupid happened to me. I was thirsty and my Milo Ping was finished but there was ice! I grabbed onto one of them with my straw. I was unsuccessful, the ice slipping from the straw every time I tried to indulge on my wintry beverage replacement. I looked like a fool but my friends encouraged me and I successfully latched on to an ice cube and drank it dry. I was still thirsty and there was still one more huge ice cube. I wasn't kidding when it was huge, it was most likely the size of half my fist. I was thirsty and I didn't want to wait for it to melt. I engulfed it and well... I regretted it. It set my mouth on icy fire and I was afraid I would accidentally swallow it and suffocate. I didn't want to spit it back out because that would look disgusting. haha~ But I had no idea what happened next would be even more gross! I tried to drain the solid of its water, it melted in my mouth but the ice was so big that I couldn't move to suck the water. In vain, I was unsuccessful but the water ended up spilling from my mouth and landing into my empty cup. God that was embarrassing! My mates were all laughing on the top of their lungs, hitting on the table and stomping their feet. My face was aflame and rivaled a tomato. They told me that it fell in slow motion and they should have taken a video of it to show Saidi. I would die of embarrassment if he were to see that!

During Lunch, nothing interesting happened but my phone vibrated again. It was Saidi and Ping Okay... I could cope with text messages but I don't think I was ready to hear both of their voices. My throat was suddenly dry as I talked to them, my voice sounding like I was strangled. I updated them on what's been going on and I didn't think I was going to hold up. Strings of I love yous and I miss yous fell from my mouth before we went to class. I wiped away the tears that fell to my cheeks.

Thursday, 14th August 2008;
Nothing major happed today. I hallucinated that I saw Ain that day but nothing more. Maybe it was a sign? Classes flew by and PS was on the last period. We would usually go to the Warung and I would treat Saidi to ABC but well... since he wasn't here. Most of us went home early. I didn't because my Dad wanted to go to Bandar tonight so I wasn't going to fuss about it and burden him. So I agreed to stay back until 4.30. Izzuddin was on the phone with Saidi. Hmmm... Another sign? Well, I was surprised he gave the phone to me. Still I couldn't get used to the voice without him being present. I handed the phone to his other friends at MSB, I didn't want to be selfish. It's not my phone this time. But right before lunch ended, my brother called saying there was a family emergency so I went home.

Saturday, 16th August 2008;
The bell sounded off and I joined the herd of students bustling to get to their next class. I had PS on the first period so I was in no hurry. Something caught my eye. Something green and I saw it, surrounded by MPs. I laughed and was rooted to the spot. People passing past me probably thought I was loony. Well I was hallucinating wasn't I? I composed myself walking towards the canteen, the mirage slowly walking towards me. His voice rang in my ears and I thought my mind slipped out for a second, debating if he was real or not. This happen to me last Monday so I wasn't planning on going to the Crack House anytime soon. I kept thinking of the sign on Thursday. I didn't know what the expression on my face was now but it probably resembled a brainless zombie. I totally wasn't expecting Saidi would come and I wasn't mentally prepared for it! Oh well, we went to PS together talking. I was still in disbelief.

I couldn't wait to see the reaction on Sham's face! We didn't get to the table as Cikgu Shima halted Saidi in his tracks. Then we made our way to the table. We ordered our food and sat down, taking it as if Saidi never left us. It was euphoria! Sham nearly spoiled our surprise party with his loud mouth. Could be he was in denial Saidi was sitting with us. It was fun and we played around. I couldn't help the bright smile on my face. I knew it was just a band-aid over my cut ready to be ripped off to leave a larger cut. I didn't care, it was one of the happiest days of my life. I persuaded Saidi to attend Maths class. It was hard, I begged, threatened and annoyed him to do it. I managed to and we walked to class together.

Saidi was being passed on like a bag of chocolates from one group to another. The day was like usual and I had to agree on it. It was Azan and routinely, he asked me to hold his glasses as he went into the Surau to pray. The band-aid was beginning to peel off slowly now and I felt the sting as the day inched to an end. But I smiled, Monday was going to be a great day...

The Start of a New Beginning (Zimah)

A little introduction from Moi. My name is Zimah. I was first catapulted into the Gay Club during my first few months at PTEB. I was fresh and different as I came from another district, KB so yeah, it was hard for me fitting in. I didn't have many friends and I stuck out like a sore thumb. Elaine, Nesh and I shared the same EAS class and I found out that Elaine had the same PS block as I did. I didn't know Nesh very well that time. Usually I would head straight to the Library during my PS but Elaine brought me to the canteen to sit down with her friends. The memory's fuzzy but if I'm not mistaken, I remember that Pirah, Saidi and Nesh were at the table during my first arrival. I didn't know them so mostly I just stayed quiet.

After PS, I had block 3 Maths. I then realised that I had the same class with Saidi and he was the boy who sat behind me. Who would have thought? It's so ironic. He was the guy who usually got top marks for his Maths and I would always pass his paper to him. haha~ I missed those memories...

Anyway, I found out that I was being transfered from my block 5 Biology to block 2. My PS! Nooo~ Well, I took it very hard. I had acquaintances in my Biology class so I had to start again... fresh in my now block 5 Biology. I had a tough time adjusting. I couldn't go to the Library since by some unknown phenomenon, during PS block 5 the Library was chock full of students and some were there just to chat. It irked me. They were just wasting space.

So I spent PS without learning... How horrible. I told my group tutor Mdm Ooi (also my Maths teacher) about it and she agreed to speak to Mrs. Liew (Head of Biology, who transfered me) about it. Mrs. Liew was worried and transfered me back to my good old block 5 Biology class. I had my PS block 2 again and I was thrilled. The main reason for my re-transfer was because of my acquaintances but I had to admit I was curious to see those new faces at PS again. They were interesting people.

Pirah and I hit it off pretty well because we had a common ground. Chips and Rogut! She's the spunkiest girl I've ever met and it was a big relief to my boring loneliness. Saidi, bless his heart, accepted me so easily and we walked to Maths together after that. I am forever grateful to his kindness. Nesh was the funny girl next door and I enjoyed her company talking about random stuff. Sham, Baby Alai and Shadab were new faces at the table for me. It took a while for me get used to them. I knew Sham from music club, he kept playing my keyboard. haha~ =.=" Baby Alai was the sweet girl who joined in on the Chips Rogut obsession. Shadab was well... Shadab! It was the start of a new beginning.

Gay Club (Zimah)

Hello, Zimah here.

Okay... So, Gay Club? haha~ Funny story actually. The Gay Club comprises of the PS block 2 guys at PTEB. They are Sham, Baby Alai, Shadab, Elaine, Pirah, Nesh, Me (Zimah) and Saidi. We get other people joining the Gay Club every once in a while but we are the permanent ones (before Saidi left).

It was jokingly dubbed as the Gay Club by our Jester Sham and the name stuck. This blog is made for our good friend and prized Gay Club member Saidi who will be leaving for UK this 26th September to pursue his A levels there. We'll miss him very much as all of us are like family. The blog will provide Saidi with updates on the Gay Club since he won't be us for very long. It'll be as if he's with us, eating, chatting and most importantly fooling around!

It's a present from all of us to Saidi and it will be revealed to him on his last day. The 18th! He won't know what will hit him! I really hope he likes it.

WE LOVE YOU SAIDI!